I was alone.
Falling free.
Trying my best not to forget

Exile

© Exile | Powered by LOFTER

My Favourite Faded Fantasy - Damien Rice

再寫Damien Rice。

在十五歲那年看了電影Closer,港譯誘心人。因為這部電影喜歡了Natalie Portman,因為這部電影第一次聽到他的歌。

Natalie Portman和Jude Law在大街上偶遇,那時候放的是他的Cold Water,然後Natalie Portman被車撞倒,Jude Law衝前抱起她,她在暈倒之前跟他說了一句「Hello Stranger」。

年幼時看了一篇網上小說,尤愛此句。

「你有沒有愛上過陌生人?在你們認識之前,彼此都是陌生人」

除了劇情外,讓我更深印象的就是Damien Rice的歌。

十八歲那年,我確診了抑鬱症,始後與這病抗爭了多年,每年的秋冬徵狀特別嚴重,SAD,Seasonal Affertive Disorder,又名Winter Depression,季節性情緒病。

小時候不懂處理這些狀況,每年進入這個時份都特別傍徨,長大後明白自己的限制,找到不同的方法取代藥物讓自己過得舒服一點。

儘量避免出席多人的活動,一個人逛街,一個人看電影,一個人用餐,一個人散步,一個人做運動,減少與這個世界的接觸。

還有一個方法就是,聽Damien Rice的歌。

家住山邊,經常起霧,秋冬被情緒困擾得嚴重時,我反而喜歡光著腳丫在家裡走,憑藉冰涼的溫度可以讓自己Stay Clam,保持冷靜。

手裡抱著一杯黑咖啡,放著Damien Rice的歌發呆,直到心境漸漸平伏下來。

他歌的意境其實讓我覺得很絕望,我總是會想到起霧的森林,但整座森林的樹都是光禿的,掉在地上的枯葉一觸即碎。

了無生機。

但卻給予我一份難以形容的平靜。

相隔八年的新專,他的歌反覆唱著。

由0到9到這張My Favourite Faded Fantasy。

對愛情的懵懂期盼,到洞悉真相後充滿恨意的詛咒,再到現在我聽著一個男人,反覆唱著自己的悔意,他渴望贖罪,亦渴望被救贖。

他的歌裡多了一分原諒,但那種悲傷尤存。

在創作人的圈子裡,患情緒病的比例奇高。

只是藝術予創作人來說,很多時候是為了輸出那些困擾自己的情緒所生的產物,諷刺的是,這些困擾卻讓他們被世人歌頌。

黃偉文說,沒有那些經歷那能寫出痛徹心扉的歌,但如果可以選擇,我寧願沒有那些經歷。

可否樂觀地認為,這比沒有所得更好?

"My Favourite Faded Fantasy"

You could be my favourite taste
To touch my tongue
I know someone who could serve me love
But it wouldn’t fill me up

You could have my favourite face
And favourite name
I know someone who could play the part
But it wouldn’t be the same

No it wouldn’t be the same
No it wouldn’t be the same
No it wouldn’t be the same
As with you

You could be my favourite place
I’ve ever been
I got lost in your willingness
To dream within the dream

You could be my favourite faded fantasy
I’ve hung my happiness upon what it all could be

And what it all could be
What it all, what it all could be
What it all, what it all could be
With you
What it all, what it all could be
What it all, what it all could be
What it all, what it all could be
With you

You could hold the secrets that save
Me from myself
I could love you more than love could
All the way from hell

You could be my poison, my cross,
My razor blade
I could love you more than life
If I wasn’t so afraid

Of what it all could be
What it all, what it all could be
Of what it all, what it all could be
With you
What it all, what it all could be
Of what it all, what it all could be
What it all, what it all could be
With you

Loved is all that bloomed
Always what you did
Never let someone go or they...
I ain't never loved like you

I’ve never loved I've never loved
I’ve never loved loved loved like you
I’ve never loved
I’ve never loved
I’ve never loved


评论(2)
热度(2)